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SRI LANKA Gyan Fernando's revision of the Mahavamsa...
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A Grim Fairy Tale....continued....The Blood and the Gore.

The Slaughter of The Innocents

("Hey! That's a great idea...!"....King Herod of Jerusalem, Jerusalem Observer 23rd May, 1 A.D.)


The boy is named Pandukabhaya. They could only name him. They couldn't Christen him as there were no Christians those days...

Wild Boar

The maidservant bungs the baby in a basket and trots off through the forest to deliver aforementioned item, i.e. one baby, to a villager. The going rate for looking after the boy is another thousand coins. Expensive business. The boy's uncles are in the forest hunting. (No Buddhism at that time so hunting was allowed). Sees maidservant. What's in your basket? A cake she says. Ha! Ha! Take it out they say. Ha! Ha! We like cake they say. Bad moment.

At this moment two invisible self-appointed guardians of the boy called Kalevela and Citta try a diversionary tactic by manifesting a wild boar. The uncles set off in pursuit of the boar in Asterix and Obelix fashion. Short attention span. Cake? Wild Boar? Same thing!

Boy survives experience and grows up. At the age of seven an uncle sees the boy playing in a pond and recognises him. Boy recognises uncle as well. Says Whoops! This is after seven years of not having seen each other!

Mass murder

Uncle instructs soldiers to kill all the boys in the pond but our lad has got a trick up his sleeve. He has learnt how to swim underwater to a hollow tree trunk sticking out of the water and stay there. Dangerous pastime. He swims fully clothed into his refuge and stays put. Soldiers arrive and slaughter the boys. Count the bodies and matches it up with the clothes on the bank. All dead and accounted for, they inform the uncle.

Boy escapes. Further narrow escapes follow. Once a whole village gets massacred. Boy escapes again. Mum sends more money. Another thousand.

Golden Girl

Boy goes to new foster parents. Grows up meets a girl called Pali. (Rather confusing this! The language at that time was also called Pali! "Hi Pali! Can I speak to you in Pali? Ha! Ha!"...."Shut up worm!")

Seems a nice sort of girl. Feeds our lad. She changes her name to Suvannapali ("Golden Pali", but that's another story). Lad marries "golden girl". She has loads of brothers, unfortunately. They cause problems for our lad. Predictably the brothers get slaughtered but amazingly the marriage survives. (Try slaughtering your in-laws!)

She Devil

One day our lad finds a she-devil (yakkinni) called Cetiya living in a pond. She has the amazing ability to change into a mare. Just like that! Beautiful white body and red hooves. A bit like Elizabeth Hurley. Proves to be a great battle horse (or rather, a mare). Good find this. Our hero gets up army and goes for the wicked uncles.

Labu

Whole armies are slaughtered and the heads are piled up. All the uncles except one are amongst the casualties. One was a good uncle by the way, and his life was spared by our hero. The heads of the uncles are on top of the pile. Our lad thinks this is great! Just like a pile of gourds, he says. Charming! Decides to name the place Labugamaka. Means Village of Gourds. Nice name!... Lad becomes King.

With all this experience from Day One he had to be the King!...Honours Degree from the University of Life, specialising in Mass Slaughter Techniques!...

All this gore because of D. Gamini's nocturnal prowlings with Ummâda Chitra...

Moral: Princesses are always trouble.....Never ever marry Royalty (or Ranjanis).

Small print: Ranjani means Queen in Sinhala. So I seem to have married Royalty!...trouble!


For the benefit of the ignorami, all this happened around 450BC...and King Herod (who lived in and around the year zero) probably copied this....

Copyright © Gyan Fernando 2000

|HISTORY 1 | HISTORY 2 | THE ANURADHAPURA HERALD | HISTORY 3 | THE PORTUGUESE OBSERVER | QUEEN ANULA | IDIOT KINGS

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