comments: Podi Nona, I thought this was meant to be about tsunami counselling or something? Anyway, in the spirit of keeping off topic - where does one find witty Sri Lankans? This mustn't be a contradiction in terms (as previously thought) since you lot are rather amusing, and so was that Umberto guy on the soc.culture.srilanka newsgroups several years back... and my dad's worth some solid laffs too. So where the hell are the rest?
Greetings! Thanks for the kind comments about Crazylanka. As they call themselves, Crazylanka is "The Number Two Crazy Sri Lankan Site". Which is number one? The Daily News of course!
Seriously, Sri Lankans are now obsessed with politics, religion or the civil war. Humour as such is now dead in Sri Lanka and politicians are the only clowns! Regards. Podi Nona 15-1-2005
comments: My dear Podi Nona nangi I want to find a site which gives pictures of well dressed girls with shoes can u tell me please bye.
Dear Dhanushka, Well dressed girls always wear good shoes. What do you expect them to wear? Sandals? The solution to your problem is for you to get a job in the Bata shoe factory at Ratmalana as I think that you have an unhealthy interest in girls...or rather, their shoes!
Podi Nona 12-1-2005
comments: Where can I buy vigra in colombo Ana
Dear Ana, If you are an old man buy some Horlicks, have a bed time cup and sleep! If you are a schoolboy with a perverted sense of humour I suggest that you stick to your studies. You are too young for that sort of thing. I wouldn't use a crude Sri Lankan saying that my brother always uses but may I suggest that you get out of your nappies first!
Regards, Podi Nona 12-1-2005
name: Rex007
comments: Hello Podi Nona, Stumbled upon your column while searching Google for something and found it interesting enough to read some. And I am thouroughly impressed. You are brilliant and your replies are humourous as well as quite practical in many cases. Thought I would write and applaud. Am told appreciating a person where it is due will lead that person to perform better.
Though being an Indian unfortunately I found that you do harbor certain Anti - Indian feelings! Well Not that I care as you are allowed to your own viewpoint (and prejudices too I may add.)
Best of Luck and Kind Regards. Rex007.
Personal Note: If you are interested in knowing a little more about me (This is not a proposal - of which you must be getting many) you may go to www.mouthshut.com and search for member rex007 For I too am a writer just like you - Insightful and Humourous.
Dear Rex,
Thanks for the kind comments. Sri Lankans are naturally anti-Indian and can't understand why Indians are not Buddhists! We also think that Sri Lanka is a nice friendly place when compared to some parts of India.
Yes, I will look you up on the web but no promises! Meanwhile enjoy the rest of Crazylanka and the REAL news from Sri Lanka as reported in The Daily Pol-Thel! (11-5-2004)
name:
Alien comments: Hey Podi Nona, This is what I think.... Sri Lankan girls should change their attitude towards boys. Otherwise.... boys will find really hard to find a fiances (sic - Ed). What do you think?
Dear Alien,
Most Sri Lankan girls are quite capable of finding husbands without having to change their attitude towards boys. As for boys they will have to try harder wouldn't they? I know what you are thinking! Go and do your homework! Podi Nona (17-4-2004)
name: priyanthi fonsekacomments: Who is going to win the General Elections this time ?
Hi Priyanthi,
I am not into politics but one thing I can say is who is not going to win anything out of this election......the poor people of this country! But like a good citizen I will cast my vote on April the second. Don't ask which party I support!
Best wishes. Podi Nona
name: priyantha comments: What is the correct spelling; is it "peace" or "piece"; or is it "peace" by "piece(s)"?
Hi Priyantha,
If you expect me to say "Peace by piece the country is going to the..." I won't say it!
It is by now an old joke anyway!
The editor of crazylanka suggested that I should use another word which sounds like peace (when pronounced in a Sinhala accent) but requires two s's. As a woman I will not use crude expressions in MY column!
Regards. Podi Nona 26-06-2003
name: murshid comments: i love you sexy can i meet you personaly
NO! Podi Nona. 16-04-2003
From ChandamaliI would like to know about my future. How will my education be ? when will I get married?
Hi Chandamali. Get a copy of the old song "Que Sera, Sera. What ever will be will be...etc" by Doris Day. Love. Podi Nona
name: kumara comments: how old are you
Hi Kumara, You never ask a girl her age! My cartoon image should give you an idea. Podi Nona 7-4-2003
name: ash comments: dear aunty podi nona, how can i get sri lankan chics to like me . got any tips
Hi Ash. I presume by "chics" you are actually refering to girls and not to chicken. Girls don't like being called chics by the way. As to your problem: If you are well behaved and good looking you shouldn't have a problem but I assume you have the looks and the charm of a "Rilawa" in which case your best bet would be to join your fellow kind at the zoo or near temples. There is a vicious bunch of apes at Dambulla temple that you might want to consider joining up with. Regards. Podi Nona 4-4-2003
name: Priyal Niroshan comments: Im doing a
degree in "Kalati-pol", Please help my assignment, have to find three things
that we are talking about but does not exist! Hi Priyal, Try Honesty, Integrity and Peace! Podi Nona. 22-3-2003
name: kamal comments: why do boys love grils (sic!)? Hi Kamal, I presume you mean girls! The answer is: Because they are nice! Podi Nona. 22-3-2003
name: abi comments: love problems, any advise?
Depends where you are. Join the Army and fight Tamils/Sinhalese/Iraqis/Palestinians/Israelis/Al queda/Americans/Pakistanis/Indians/Ivorians (of Ivory Coast). You will soon forget about love! Podi Nona 14-3-2003
name:
no namecomments: what are the laws on marring (sic) a foriegn (sic)person.
The same as marrying a non-foreigner! They are all human beings as well! Podi Nona 12-3-2003
name: renucomments: Dear Podi Nona, I met a great guy when he and my cousin came over for a break from school. He's very sweet and my parents very much liked him until they started noticing we were flirting constantly together. Even after they went back to school, we kept in touch and we have fallen in love with each other. The only thing is i'm 18 and he's 28... i'm doing medicine right now (in the states) and he's finishing his masters (also US).. but i still have atleast another 8-10 yrs of school to finish. Everyone says its not worth the wait for him, especially since we wouldnt be able to have children until i'm done with school. We are having a hard time ending our affair though.. what do u think we should do? Is it worthwhile to keep going?? oh, and another important issue- my parents are completely against him because of the age and because they want to set me up with a medical student they know. What do u think we should do??
Hello Renu, For once I agree with the parents. The age gap is too wide but can be overcome. Your studies are important and you will have to do a lot of hard work, so my friends who are doctors tell me. If you both want each other then wait. You can always marry/live together and not have children: The world is crowded enough as it is.
The bottom line is you can't have everything in life. You have to choose between the guy, medical school and having kids. Forget what your parents say. Best wishes. Podi Nona 12-3-2003
name: thisum comments: Halo. good evening to you. I am a woman trapped in a mans body. I were my sisters underwere (sic!) to work !!! what should i do to bring my self out in the open ???
How about wearing your sister's dress? Do remember to shave your legs! Good luck in your new career as a "thing"! Podi Nona
name: lasanthika viyangodacomments: podi nona can U teach me English
Hi Lasanthika. Haven't you got teachers in your school? Or should I ask: hav u got Tchrs in Ur skool? Regards. Podi Nona
name: Shan
comments: I wanna some new models for a fashion show can u get me some of there T/phone nos (if u have any contacts)
Hi Shan, I don't think you know anything about fashion shows, or for that matter fashion! I think you are a pervert on the prowl for cheap girls! Try the garment factories! No regards. Podi Nona. 21-3-2002
name: shehan
comments: my problem is still i couldent finde a proper girl friend , can u find me a honest girl ?????
Hi Shehan, Maybe you should try a village girl. They are much more honest than Colombo types. If that fails ask your parents to arrange something. You could always blame them when things go wrong! Podi Nona. 19-2-2003
name: Pam
comments: I met a guy online. & now he s like my own brother. I luv him very much & he s too. & I wanna c him He told me he will come 2 c me after he finishes his A/Ls. But the thing is I canttell this 2 my Father. But my mom also knows abt this guy & she likes him too. He s a very polite nice guy. I Luv my ayya very much. Plz tell me a way 2 tell abt this 2 my Father.
Hello Pam, Tell your father that you want to become a Nun. Chances are that he will be so shocked that he will try to find a partner for you. That would be the right moment to introduce your online boyfriend. Your dad presumably is totally computer illiterate and would go along with anything you say. Make sure the guy is real though before you proceed. Good luck! A silly girl like you is going to need a lot of luck! Podi Nona 19-2-2003
name: yasithanka comments: whats the meaning of date?
Hello Yasithanka, I see that I am now an English teacher as well.
As a noun "date" means two things: The calendar date (dinaya) and the Iraqi dates (Rata Indi).
If you mean the American type of "date" that is wrong English as the stupid Americans, who have absolutely no understanding of the subtleties of the Queen's language, use nouns as verbs. The American type of "date" involves going out with a boy and having a disappointing time. Stay at home and watch telly! Podi Nona 25-1-2003
name: Podiman comments: Where can I buy VIGRA? Do you know of any side effects. Thanks.
There is no such thing as VIGRA! If you mean Viagra you can't be much of a man! Do an internet search and you fill find loads of offers of Viagra. One of the side effects is said to be sudden death. Podi Nona 3-1-2003
Gap
asks: I have a real problem as I am desperate to know ! Hey Dear Podi Nona how do you find out wether your partner is cheating on you or not. A desperate lover boy.
Dear Gap. Your pen name says it all! Where is the gap? Between your ears?
The short answer is: Employ a Private Detective to follow her around!
Other ways of finding out are: Does she come home smelling of aftershave and with smeared lipstick? Is she getting expensive presents from someone? Does she say that you have as much sex appeal as a pol mudda?
A sure way of finding out that she is cheating you is to find her in the arms of another boy. If you find her in such a situation then she is definitely cheating on you.
If you are imagining all this then you are suffering from "Paranoid Delusions", a psychiatrist friend tells me.
Regards. Podi Nona. 14-12-2002
Guthika asks: hi podinona iam a teenager(17) there is agirl i like to have as my girlfriend what is the best way to tell her that? thakx
Hi Guthika,
This is such a perennial and complex question I might as well write an essay on the subject! In simple terms you can do one of the following:
(Most of these were suggested by my brother who has had a lot of (bad) experiences in going after girls!)
1. Go up to her and ask her or shout "I Love Youoooohoooo!"
2. Send her a letter.
3. Ask her if she would like to go to the cinema/park/Majestic City with you.
4. Ask a friend to do the talking (but there is a risk that she might fall for your friend)
5. Send her an e-mail/text message
6. Place a free advert on crazylanka dot com and ask her to look up the page.
It all depends on the circumstances of course. If you live in the same area or go to the same school or tuition classes it shouldnt be too difficult. Try to sit next to her in class. Ask her if you can borrow her notes/ pen/ pencil. Pick an Araliya flower (from a tree, not from the ground!) and present it to her.
In short: USE YOU IMAGINATION! Good Luck! Podi Nona 14-12-2002
name: Kukule comments: Hi, I hope you're quite serious
than in Q & A page. I'm a 20yr old guy staying in uk. I'm in lov with my
first couzin moms sist's daugh. Some says it's bad but there're so many
marrages like that. Is it ok or bad?Hello Kukule or is it Kukula! The simple answer is: Not good, unless you want to have a two headed child! A personal e-mail is on its way. Regards. Podi Nona 14-12-2002
name: hsm9129
(sofi9129@hotmail.com)comments: hey , who are u to answer this Q's ??? are u even educated ?? try to write something about urself so i'll know who is giving me an advice !
Dear Whoever you are. If you read this column carefully you will find out that I am a teacher. As for education, I am very definitely more educated than you are as I can spell better than you - if you can spell at all! I have published your question, or rather your drivel, verbatim (with spelling, grammatical mistakes and all!) I hope you know what verbatim means! Podi Nona. 11-12-2002.
name: sudarshana comments: what is the easiest way found women only for sex relationship.
You sent me this question five times! You sound desperate! Get yourself a prostitute. You seems to be some sort of a depraved one-track-minded-idiot! Podi Nona 1-12-2002
name: darman comments: ane podi, i wannna girl .
Find one yourself! This is not an escort agency! Podi Nona 1-12-2002
name: upul comments: i need girl friend age about over 40y.
Look in a convent! Podi Nona. 26-11-2002
name: Dumi comments: Hi, I am 20 years old & my girl is my age, we have problems with our religions, she's a catholic & I'm a buddhist. So her parents want me to convert, I don't mind converting & my parents are also ok but now since I'm ready to convert her parents say that i'm too young for her, (i know that i'm young but they can at least let me love her so we can marry later) but now they want her to get marryed when she's 21 so they are dead against it. I'm sure that they wont keep her more than 21 because already they're bringing proposals, this is dam unfair. We love each other so much, I want her so badly & she wants me so badly too, we don't see any other solution other than......... you know, So tell me PODY what shall I do??
Dumi or should I call you Dummy! Run off together for a weekend at Haputale Rest House. Come back and tell her parents that you have already had the Honeymoon part and can we get married now! If all fails there is World's End! Good Luck. Podi Nona. 26-11-2002
name: Cookie comments: Hey podi lady well my prob is pretty different from the others u see i`m a podi nona myself. I`m very small in other words.So i`m finding it kinda hard to find these sexy hipster jeans in sl and since ur a podi nona i wanna know where u get urs.This is not a joke podi cause its really affecting my social life I sooo would like to wear thos hipster jeans and look like shakira but i need to find aplace to get them 1st pls help!
I don't wear jeans. Buy a pair of the smallest jeans you can find and give it to a dhoby who will happily shrink it for you. If you really want to show off your figure wear a bikini but don't travel by public transport! Best wishes. Podi Nona. 26-11-2002
name: jayantha comments: Aadara Akka, what happend to my country? mallie
Dear Malli. It is still there! Podi Nona. 26-11-2002
name: MissBehavin' comments: Hi Podi, How R U doin'??? I'm a girl of 21 & have a big problem with my parents - they always try 2 match the horescopes when ever i bring a guy home...therefore those relationships end up going no where ... HELP!!!!
Dear MissBehavin.
Yes I know the problem! Live up to your name and bring all sorts of men home. Try and attract a tourist. They don't have horoscopes. Christians usually don't have horoscopes neither do Burghers. Bring home a few unsavory beach boy types. Your parents will be so shocked that they will get you married off to the next person that comes around.
If all fails follow my advice to Priyani (see below) and elope! Best wishes. Podi Nona. 9-11-2002
Dear Podi Nona! Well i'm writing because i am hoping your advice can bring about a change to my life. Ok, here is the story. There is a girl i know Dilshara who is now a friend of mine. I met her when i was training in the same hotel she worked for.
Well at that time she had a b/f who is Indian. However the guy was trying to distance himself from her and started doing things to hurt her. As her friend i was always there for her helping her through everything. After a while i realized i liked her and i thought that after a while i'd ask her out. But before long the b/f decided to come back to her life and he did. She accepted him. She seemed happy so i backed off but still remained her friend.
After a month or so the guy started on his tricks again. He told Dilshara's friend that he is getting married within 2 weeks and that he'd tell Dilshara only after the wedding. Now the friend told Dilshara the story and this guy didn't even talk to her after that. Poor girl is devestated all over again. But we now found out that the guy was lying about the marriage. I really don't know what Dilshara is going to do now onwards. I know she loves him very much and she is the kind of girl who takes a love relationship very seriously. Same as me actually.
Anywayz, i have no idea as what to do next. As i indicated i do like her a lot and would love for a chance to ask her out. But the time may not be right. And i am wondering if i am waiting around for something that'll never happen. I don't want to go upto her and tell her how i feel as it may cause serious harm to our friendship. So what do u think i should do? What r my options? What do u think will b best for her.
Mind you, not whats best for me but whats best for her. I really appreciate any advice you can give me. Take care and thanks for all your wonderful work. Best Regards, Sammy
Dear Sammy,
Yours is a sad story which I have experienced myself and with an Indian boy as well.
My advice is to forget the songs that go "Mama oba ena thuru sitiyaaaaah!" or " I've bin waiting for yooooohoooo!" Very soon you will find someone else coming along and taking her away from you forever. The Indian boy has had his chance. He sounds like every girls bad dream. Get in there now! Tell her you love her madly and the only reason that you didn't ask her before was because she was happy with this Indian Playboy.
Believe me, normal good girls don't like the Playboy type. They want nice husbands. Not cheaters!
Go in there NOW! If you need help I can write to her! Best wishes and write back. Podi Nona 8-11-2002
name: Priyani de Silvacomments: I am a girl of 20 years and I have fallen in love with a boy who is working with me. But my parents are dead against it. I can not live without him. Please advice what can I do? I want both parties.
Sorry Priyani.
From bitter experience I know that you can't keep both parties happy. Choose one or the other and quickly!
My brother tells me of a story where a love lorn couple like yourselves jumped off World's End to their death. Don't do it! There is a less painful way.
First get copies of your birth certificates and go to a Kachcheri well away from your home town and give notice of marriage. The reason you need to go away from your home town is that some of the Kachcheri clerks might know your parents. After 14 days notice you can get married. Get married in the Kachcheri. You will need two friends to sign as witnesses. Move away from your parents on some excuse or the other.
Take the Udarata Menike. Go to Haputale, Badulla (my home town), Mahiyangana or even go to Trincomalee. Have a nice honeymoon without the problems of relatives and auspicious times etc. Send a letter to your parents signed by yourself and your husband.
You are now legally married and have consummated the marriage (I hope you know what consummation means!) The parents can't do anything. You have saved a lot of money! Your parents will have to accept you now. Come back home and get them to organise a reception for your loyal friends.
My last bit of serious advice is: It is your life! Your parents don't control your life! You will probably be happier with your husband if you get married without your parent's consent! This may go against Sri Lankan tradition but then traditions have only led to narrow-mindedness and terrorism. Bigotry is another word for what is happening in our country. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND EXCITING THAN A TRADITIONAL PORUWA OR CHURCH WEDDING!
Love. Podi Nona 8-11-2002
PS Do write back!
name: sharmila comments: When will i get married??
Dear Sharmila, It depends on whether you are sixteen or sixty. Either way don't give up hope! My married friends tell me that marriage is not what everyone thinks it is or as the Americans say marriage is "No big deal!" Love. Podi Nona 31-10-2002
Dear Podi Nona, The charade that is taking
place in the Sri Lankan Political Circus, With professors & law makers
becoming clowns , PM who thinks he has tamed the tiger, wandring wheather to
let go of the tail completely, which is slowly but surely slipping off his
grasp, Trapeez artist like Rauff & Thonda, wandering whether to cling on to
the Tail Coat or the Saree Pota, Satelite re asserting her image and the side
kicks doing summer saults, I wonder what we as spectators are supposed to do.
Are we to jump for joy at the end of each act or grin and bear, awaiting
fateful consequences. Could you offer a semblance as to what is actually
happening? Regards JayanthaHello Jayantha. My mother who knows Sri Lankan politics from the Second World War times says that this is normal for Sri Lanka. Be thankful for small mercies! How would you like this Tilvin boy as Prime Minister or President? What if Rauf became President? What if Carlo Fonseka...? Worrying isn't it? Have you thought of going into politics? Regards. Podi Nona. 30-10-2002
name: Skanthavelu Nadarajah comments: vaNaakkam podi nOna, My name is Skanthavelu Nadarajah. I am planning to come live in Sri Lanka in 2008. I would like to live in an outlying area of Colombo where I will be in regular day - day contact with Sinhalese and Tamil people and where I will be at walking distance from a Hindu temple. Please can you suggest me some places along with names of Hindu temple. Oh yeah.. I am a devotee of Amman. So, please suggest me an Amman temple. Jai Karunamayi!
Vanakkam! Try Wellawatte. Best wishes. Podi Nona 30-10-2002
name: sirimal comments: hello podi how are u mama sirimal oyage game oyata mathaka nadda mawa.
Yes! Do you still wear short trousers? Podi Nona 30-10-2002
name: Angle comments: I love a boy lot. I want to tell it. But feel so shy. Please give an advice.
Ask for a song request on Sirasa FM and get a friend to tell the boy to listen to Sirasa. If you want to I can send him an e-mail on your behalf or crazylanka will place a free ad for you. If all fails you can place an advertisement in the newspapers! Best wishes. Podi Nona 30-10-2002
name: Chandana Weeratungacomments: My Dearest Podi Nona, I am chandana from srilanka and doing business. Can u find me some nice pen friend (only girl)
PS Write back with more details of yourself.
name: SHEWON comments: hey podi nona i wanna know wot's ur name and your age.dont worry i wont tell anybody.i'm 22 years old and i had so many friends(girls)but i hav never fallen in love with anybody.why dont you find me somebody special 4 me.
name: Amie comments: I heard through many people you are good at teen love advice...well I'm not sure if im in love with my boyfriend...can you tell me what love actually is?
