LANKA GEMS {short description of image} SCN SRILANKA CRAZY NEWS
They hang in the air in exactly the same way that a brick doesn't {short description of image}INDEX

SCN, Srilanka Crazy News and the slogan "We weed out the serious news" are trademarks of the SCN/ MadPage/ McMaluPaan Corp.

Every so often SCN comes across Srilankan gems of undoubted beauty. No, we are not talking about the shiny bits of glassy mineral that women love. We are talking about literary gems...the sort of reasonably well written, pithy comments in Srilankan publications..the sort of gems that some of us were brought up on...The exact opposite of bricks..To slightly misquote the late Douglas Adams (of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame): "They hang in the air in exactly the same way that a brick doesn't!"
.... We admit that these days they are few and far between but if you do take the trouble to look for them you will find them.
The gems are printed verbatim (where space permits) and editorial interference is minimal and readily identified. As usual we welcome contributions.
Most of the gems seem to appear in
'The Island' and so we have added a link here :
The Island
The following gems are from Namini Wijedasa writing in the Defence page of
The Island of 23 Dec 2001.
All refer to the "Changing of the Crooks" of the Sri Lankan Parliament.
LINK{short description of image}LINK
The police department sure is giving Lake House a run for its money. It’s a task to decide which swapped sides with more velocity.
If it’s true that money talks, it has certain verbal diarrhoea in this country.
The politician then turned to the cop and ordered, "Don’t take any orders from politicians." Anyone see the hilarity in this situation?
Bandaranaike (Anura) had earlier made a speech to congratulate Perera (The Speaker) on his appointment. Characteristically, he spoke mostly about himself.
The guards kept a keen eye on him, anyway. "Balannako," he told journalists. "Api hirey." (See picture story below)
When the names of their respective spouses came into the picture, the two men pushed each other and came close to exchanging blows.
{short description of image}(see vol 23)
These, ladies and gentlemen, are the types we have in parliament today. And we wonder why nothing gets done.
Namini Wijedasa
The light at the end of the tunnel
{short description of image} Subterranean Transcripts Postmodern alms-givings, lamps, pots and Left potholes(abridged - Ed)
by Malinda Seneviratne The Island Wednesday 08th August, 2001 Midweek Review
"The light at the end of the tunnel is another train," says someone who is now ashamed to be called my friend. Time will tell which one of us is on the wrong track and the wrong train, but that’s another story altogether! The prorogation of parliament, the LTTE attack on Katunayake, the theatrics of racist minorities, the relentless assault on our resources by the USA, the determination of the IMF and World Bank to make us sell for a song what little we have by way of national assets, an opposition that is sadly lacking in statesmanship and a variety of other factors would add up to a strong affirmation of his pithy observation. This government, suffering from an acute case of tunnel-vision regarding "peace" and the myths of the "free market", is trying to keep the people in the dark about a lot of things.....
Later that night, when the lights went out, and as I lit the candle in my dingy back bedroom, I suddenly burst out laughing. It occured to me that the "lamp" blaring out from PA posters and those of the lunatic fringe of the Left, ie the Left Peace Movement, was nothing but a symbol of the state of the country. An answer to the loss of power (pun intended).
A nation of Buddhas and Jesuses?
{short description of image} Other worldly prescriptions ('The Island' on the net. Friday 3rd August , 2001)
Judging from his recent pontifications, Mr. Stanley Jayaweera, philosopher of "Avadhi Lanka" (a self-appointed Moral Rearmament Movement) is rapidly transforming himself into a heavenly-minded person of no earthly use. Reflecting on education, he declared that our education system should be designed to produce, not engineers, doctors, lawyers, scientists, accountants and so on, but "liberated individuals" like the Buddha and Jesus Christ. (The Island, June 6) Secular educationists can’t have a hope in hell of ever devising a curriculum that will predictably produce "liberated individuals" like the Buddha and Jesus Christ. But, of course, philosophers are not unduly restrained by reality.(cont) {short description of image}
Drink, but don't touch!
{short description of image} Modification of "killing" ads - reply ('The Island' on the net of August 2)
Bhikkhu C. Mahinda in 'The Island' of July 21 laments the fact that a certain pesticide advertisement on TV depicts the killing of a pest commonly found in our households. I can well appreciate his point of view if he had objected to this advertisement as it is unbuddhistic and as it violates the first precept. So, does he want it banned on TV? No, the Rev. Bhikkhu only wants the advertisement modified, by substituting the word "immobilize" for "kill"! He suggests that the label and description on the containers too should be so altered. Says he - "Once the word "kill" is replaced by the word "immobilized" Buddhists can freely use the product without breaking the First Precept because the intention to kill is absent". Surely is this not hypocrisy at its highest?....................................(cont){short description of image}

This feature was first launched on the 2nd of August 2001

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