Lanka Literary Page

SRILANKA......the madness continues....Rude Verse and LIMERICKS....................................

THIS IS PAGE 1 | PAGE 2 English as he is spoke! | PAGE 3 The Madness Continues |


	LITERARY CORNER

RUDE VERSE


There was a man from Madras, Who's balls were made of brass, In stormy weather, they clashed together, And sparks flew out of his arse! Author unknown. From Medical School days		There was a young man from Penang Who believed in letting things hang But one day when he sneezed His balls fell past his knees And hit the floor with a clang After Spike Milligan

Explanatory note for the thickos out there: Penang was originally in Malaya but is now in Malaysia (How did they manage to move a city of that size?) Malayans, like Srilankans wore/wear the Sarong, and presumably without underwear.....		Exercises: 1.Compare the man from Penang with the man from Madras. 2.Were the sparks caused by friction or by static electricity. 3.Draw pictures of both men and submit to this page

English, as she was taught...... The Elephant is a bonny bird, It flits from bough to bough, It makes it's nest in the rhubarb tree, And whistles like a cow.		A crow sitting up in a tree Said "I'm black as a ******, you see. It wouldn't be right, If I were all white, Or even all Pak-i-stan-ee" Spike Milligan Fill in the blanks above....

When we were kids, the verse above ("The Elephant...") was to be found in a school book entitled "First Aid In English" . The book was published in Britain and was approved by the Department of Education of Ceylon. I had forgotten part of the rhyme but my sis Babs updated me on it, as usual! No wonder some of us grew up with serious brain damage...........


Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot the shepherd!................Author unknown


Lanka Limericks

Bad Limericks....or how not to write limericks...! (open this page fully by pushing out the contents column on the left)

There was a man from Beruwela, Who slipped and fell into a wela. When they pulled him out, He began to shout. So they told him to go to hell-a!	There was a young man from Panagoda, Who met a pretty girl called Padma Bogoda. They fell madly in love, And looked up at the stars above, And lo! Slipped and fell in the Lake Bolgoda

This is just a pilot sketch. See below for a better version..or is it worse!	Padma Bogoda is a real person. She didn't fall into a lake and is alive and well!...She married a guy from Katugastota but that doesn't rhyme with Bogoda or Bolgoda..

There was a young man from Pitagoneliya, Who wanted a holiday in Nuwara Eliya. Money was so short, And so with a loud snort, He headed off instead to Badureliya.	There was a lady doctor from Panadura, Who was sent on transfer to Pimbura. The quarters were very old, There were no lights we are told, She now has to live in total "gana andura"!

There was a Srilankan called T.Wijayasingher, Who went to Washington to see Henry Kissinger, The FBI soon heard, Of the visit of this nerd, And told him "Sir! will you stop messing here!"	My sister took her car to Richard Pieris and Co, (Whose trade name everyone knows is "Arpico".) The service was so infernally bad, That she grabbed a young mechanic lad, And in a very loud voice said "Mokada Yako!

There was an old man from Beruwela, Who one day slipped and fell into a wela. When at last they pulled him out, "Thopé Ammata.." he cried out. So they told him to "Go to Hell-a!"	There was an effeminate young man from Kandy, Who grew his hair long and dyed it very sandy. Something sure was amiss, So his mates took the piss. He now goes by the new name of Mandy.

REPRISE (This is an example of milking a joke dry!) "Thopé Ammata.." means "Your Mother"...Work the rest out for yourselves! CAUTION: Don't ever use this expression in Srilanka...	I suppose this one was the result of working with two secretaries both by the name of Mandy both of whom are blondes! This is not a very good limerick as Kandy seems to rhyme only with english words....not surprising if you know the origin of the name!

A young woman from the town of Rikillagaskaddé, Said "There is a child lying in my big baddé. So if you do care, Please go out there, And get me a McMalupaanTM, del fries and a few vaddé."	When climbing Mount Namunukula, Never forget to carry a buth mula, But never ever drink arrakku, Or you will definitely be parakku, And end up in a cemetary at Badu-ula.

Rikillagaskadé was one of those exotic sounding places that young doctors were packed off to in the good old days!	We once climbed Namunukula with a guy called Kulandavelu who got drunk at the summit! We had to carry him down..not easy...Namunukula is 6650ft high! I once nearly didn't climb Mount Siripada (7000ft) for the same reason..

A stupid young man by the name of Opatha, Lived in the silly village of Galpatha. It was the monsoon, No umbrella - the buffoon! He got drenched in a shower "Dhara Nipatha!"	A tree climber by the name of "Gus" Martin Wore an Amudé so tight it impeded fartin' The havoc this caused internal, Caused him discomfort eternal, Thank God he is now in heaven everlastin'!

I have a fondness for the classical Srilankan expression "Dhara Nipatha" which means torrential rain!..and also "Gana Andura" (total darkness)..nobody actually uses these expressions in everyday life...	"Gus" Martin was a real-life character in the 50'and 60's in Kalutara..He was a tree climber...(Gus is trees in Sinhala)...and his amude (loin cloth) caused considerable hilarity. He was once chased along the street by another character called Hitler..

A nun by the name of Sister Clement Marie, One fine day decided to wear a sarii. Her antics caused such a sensation, That she needed Papal Dispensation, Just to be crowned as the "Avurudu Kumari"!	A silly young villager called Piyasena, Went to the jungle to cultivate his hena. He danced with a brown bear, Two snakes and a mad hare. Now they call him "Aiyo Sirisena"!

Sr. Clement Marie was also real..but she didn't wear the sari or get up to anything that I know of..(Avurudu Kumari is Festival Queen...by the way)

A young girl by the name of Rosabelle, Kissed a young lad under the church bell. Nothing much you say, Certainly not in this day, But at that time it did raise merry hell! No comment on this one! Memories can be painful...	On his way to the temple to say "Nammo Dhassa", An old man met a girl with a big passa. Just purely on a whim, They went out for a swim, And why did that cause such an almighty fuss-a!

A young lady on holiday from Lithuania, In Colombo, jumped into a lake full of Salvinia. Her guide took pity, Took her outside the city, And told her to jump off Mount Lavinia.	BRAIN SURGERY... There once was a young man from Ceylon, Who was one hell of a moron. When in his abdomen he had a pain, He thought it was his brain. He was wrong, it was his colon.

I am sure a lot of you out there can do better than this. So next time you are stuck in traffic or sitting at your desk pretending to work...
TECHNICAL NOTE: Pitagoneliya, Badureliya, Pimbura, and Galpatha are real places in the Kalutara District of Srilanka...All the other places are real as well..including Mount Lavinia...The limericks above are all my own work but I am probably influenced by the works of Edward Lear (The-owl-and-the-pussycat-man) and Spike Milligan...

THIS IS PAGE 1 | PAGE 2 English as he is spoke! | PAGE 3 The Madness Continues |