MADPAGE now part of
|McDONALD'STM INVADE SRILANKA!|
Not to be outdone we introduce McMALUPAAN to the rest of the world!
|The philosophy of McDonald's is
Serve food that can be eaten with fingers. Cook fast and serve fast. (The food itself is only of minor importance) Bung it in an attractive wrapper with an eye-catching logo. Make your employees wear backward facing baseball caps. Teach them how to say "Can I Help You". Diversify into ethnic foods, especially when people go off traditional beefburgers because of Mad Cow Disease.
For example a local McDonald's has been serving CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA this week! (An idiot MP by the name of Robin Cook went on record to say that Chicken Tikka Masala is British!..British Empire perhaps...but that's another story)
Thinking on the same lines, the Mad PageTM decided to introduce McMALUPAAN before our competition (i.e. The McDonald's Corporation) thinks of it!
The Recipe: First go to our FOOD page and find the basic recipe. (Links at bottom of page) Don't bother about the dough...just buy soft rolls (buns) from your local supermarket. (Persuade your baker to make TRIANGULAR shaped buns if possible. Malu Paan is traditionally triangular shaped and if my knowledge of mathematics serves me right a triangle has a smaller area than a circle).
Make the filling as described but go easy on the fish! Add a generous amount of mono sodium glutamate (locally known as "Ajinomoto").... and instead of making the mix into balls flatten out into burger shape. The result is THE MaluburgerTM! Freeze the MaluburgerTM and keep frozen until the customer walks in and "orders"
Grill the frozen MaluburgerTM. Place it on the bottom half of the bun. Put the top half of the bun on. Place the McMaluPaanTM in a brightly coloured cardboard or polystyrene box.
Put on baseball cap backwards. Serve!
Remember to ask "Is there anything else?!"
|McMALUPAAN with CheeseTM
Follow recipe as above. Place a square of processed "cheese" (a tiny percentage of real cheese with added emulsifier, whey powder, antioxidant, lecithin and Sunset Yellow) on the bottom half of the bun (Don't waste money on real cheese). Place grilled MaluburgerTM. on cheese. Proceed as above.
As above but get a larger polystyrene box and a larger bun. Place two MaluburgerTM and two slices of "cheese". Fill the space with Srilankan pickle (Achcharu) and/or onion relish (Loonumiris)
Try the following
Since potatos are expensive in Srilanka cut Del (breadfruit) into french fries shape. Del is paler in colour, so add turmeric or Sunset Yellow. Freeze. Fry frozen Delfries. Serve in red carton.
McDELFRIES with chillie:
Same as above but add Ponceau Red or powdered brick. Serve in yellow carton.
This is really easy! Buy vaddai from local street seller(sub-contractor). Serve in brightly coloured polystyrene carton.
Get large paper cup with brightly coloured printing. Fill with ice cubes right up to the top. Pour a small quantity of the locally produced (and excellent!) PORTELLO. Add straw.
Trade mark infringements:
Because of trade mark infringement problems its best to change your name by deed poll to something with Mc in it. e.g. McPerera, McSirisena, McBandaranaike, McAppuhamy, McSomawathie etc. McDonald's are known to persue such matters relentlessly through the courts......but let them try litigation in Srilankan Courts! Especially with names like McPragñagochara Pragñawansalagé McPragñaratna of Kahatagasdigiliya!
|Do come back to this
site. I might post photographs of McMALUPAAN TM when I get around to it. You can of
course view pics of the real MaluPaan now. See link below.
The McMaluPaan Index and PPP
With the help of
"The Economist", a London based publication, we have launched the
McMP Index or the McMaluPaan Index (The Economist, April 21st 2001
page 98...and at the risk of losing my credibility as a nutter....afterall this
is the MADPAGE and we have a reputation to keep up with.... may I
suggest that you read the original article!..Interesting reading!)
It is hoped that in
future the McMP index will be quoted as widely as
the Dow-Jones, FTSE 100, Nikkei, Hang-Seng and the Nasdaq.
This argues that the exchange rate between two currencies should in the long run move towards the rate that equalises the prices of identical bundles of traded goods and services in each country.....(got that?!).....In other words a dollar should be the same amount everywhere. A BigMcMalupaan costs $2.54 in the USA, $2.85 in the UK, $2.50 in Argentina and $1.21 in Thailand. The PPP for the UK is 1.28, for Argentina is 0.98 and for Thailand 21.7.
This basically means that the Thais are poor! (Sorry, I haven't got the figures for Sri Lanka yet)
LINK TO THE REAL MALUPAAN RECIPE
McDonald's Free Areas of The World: Now that Srilanka has fallen I am researching McDonald's free countries, counties, states etc. Two nice McDonald's free countries that I have personal knowledge of are Vietnam and Laos. (Afghanistan should be McDonald's free as well but at the moment the country is ruled by a bunch of bearded shits!) I am reliably informed by a correspondent that at least until 1999 Mauritius was McMalupaan free. Up to date info required.
© Gyan McFernando(TM). The names Gyan, McFernando, McMaluPaan, Maluburger and the logo are registered Trade Marks of the McMaluPaan Corporation.
First written on the 22nd of April 2001.