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(Cut that! -Ed) The country is now under the Glorious Rule of Chandrapala Pol-Pot Wickremesinghe who has well developed the country so that we are now having and getting.....cheap gas prices? Good railway? Good bus? Is it about time to destroy Parliament with Atomic type weapons if we can get them? We already robbed the Honk Konk and Peking bank at Boralessgamuwa...Jayaweva!
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by our SCN Corr. Norma "Airbus" McDonnell-Douglas Pallihawadana Today a very very very very very very important Airport closely related to another very very very ...(Thatsh enough very very! - Ed)...important female person wearing a blue sari whose father happened to be an airport in the Glorious Peoples' Republic of Sri Lanka until he was assassinated dropped his trousers whilst getting off an aircraft whilst singing the National Anthem "Me rate inna Minissu kelinne pissu". The person is believed to be from Horagolla and called Anura Katunayaka and his sister is said to be one Mrs Chandrapala Kumarihamy. Police are not charging the Airport with any offences. Mrs. Mable Finsbury-Park (former Sri Lankan beauty queen) who was returning from London and was on the aircraft said "It was disgusting! One minute we were getting ready to disembark and the next minute we were exposed to all this disgusting flesh! This Airport should be banned!" In view of all this bad publicity the Airport is to be re-named as Pry Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe Airport |
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Achtung Balasingham! Ve haf vays of making yu
tork!
Jackbooted armed soldiers will be present to ensure that Pieris and Balasingham do actually engage in talks and not spend time in a luxury hotel running up a drinks bill... Our reporter Phil Space has not yet sent in his copy.. |
FROZEN CHINESE
TAKEAWAY! Serious Shortage Of Cats Reported! Casino row leads to brutal killing (Lanka Page, with apologies) The Peradeniya police have arrested five Chinese nationals including three women and two locals over the killing of Ling Hung Drawn And Quartered(30) at the Dehiwela Longfield Restaurant on Thursday night. The victim had been hacked to death and his body which had been frozen for a day in a deep freezer, had been allegedly transported to Peradeniya in a gunny bag for dumping at Bamunugama by two Chinese who were caught by villagers and handed over to the police. The three Chinese women were arrested later at a restaurant in Kandy. Police were asking people who have had meals at this restaurant to come forward....Neighbours reported several cats missing...See our recipe page for disgusting food facts |
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 Thousands of commuters stranded by a sudden rail strike last afternoon, wait expectantly for train services to begin at the Fort Railway Station. Picture by Sumanachandra Ariyawansa MORE CRAZY PICS |
CRAZY PICS Left: Large crowds gather to see an "Exhibition Train" Right: Idiot Minister employs skeleton staff to break rail strike. 23rd Jan 2003 |
 Economic Reforms and Science and Technology Minister Milinda Moragoda smiles after looking at a skeleton in the mobile science exhibition organised by the Ministry of Science and Technlology and the Railway Department. The exhibition is inside a railway carriage and travels around the country to educate school children. (Pic. By Nihal Chandrakumara) |
Princeton prof. says 'No' to Sri Lanka child monks Kyodo News COLOMBO -- A campaign by Sri Lanka's prime minister to recruit 2,000 children into Buddhist monastic orders to cope with a shortage of monks has met criticism from a scholar who says child ordination is against Buddhist doctrine. Gananath Obeyesekere, an anthropology professor at Princeton University, says the campaign targets children as young as 5 years even though Theravada Buddhism doctrine states that a boy must be at least 15 years of age to become a monk. Sri Lanka's project to mass-recruit children into Buddhist orders disregards these considerations, says Obeyesekere, himself a Sri Lankan Buddhist. But one major reason Obeyesekere opposes child recruitment is that the very young are vulnerable to sexual abuse, which he says is ''notoriously associated'' with all forms of institutionalized monasticism. The possibility of child abuse in Buddhist monasteries ''must be faced honestly and squarely,'' he stressed. Unlike adult monks, children have little chance of resisting sexual advances, the professor added. ''Even the presence of guardians, or sponsors is not protection. How does the guardian inquire into such possibilities when the mere talk of homoerotic practices is taboo?,'' Obeyesekere asked. He also asked why those promoting the campaign have not set an example by being ordained themselves or having their own children or grandchildren ordained. Original article  |
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The controversial weekend tabloid The Daily Bhoomi-Thel has sacked its main political writer and chief editor, Gyan MadPage Crazylanka Antony Warnakulasuriya Patabendi Muhandiramge Sri Wickrema Rajasinghege descendant of, from his post with immediate effect. The management of the paper says that his news report on an alleged plot by party seniors including Opposition Leader Moustache "Polthel" Api SLFP! Rajapakse to kill President Chandrapala Bandaranayake Solomon West Ridgeway Dias Kumaratunga was incorrect and baseless. "We started an internal investigation under threat and it is very clear that this report was a fiction by (sic) our main political writer: Keerthi " MadPage" Warnakulasooriya, alias Mohamad "Al Shabdhi" Nisham, alias Keerthi Champaka, alias Ponniah "Thalathel" Ratnasingham, alias Arthur C. Bank Clark, alias Rev. Carlo Fonsekaratneof the Rationalist Church, alias Fredrick Jansz of Bulto, alias Ratnayaka Mudiyanselage "Aiyo" Sirisena (Thatsh enough aliashes - Ed)" a company spokesperson told the STATE CONTROLLED MEDIA. Earlier, the main opposition People's Alliance had decided to request a parliamentary debate on the investigation into the alleged plot to assassinate President Chandrapala. The SLFP, the main constituent party of the opposition People's Alliance, has been rocked by an internal crisis with a section of the party headed by former Minister Mangala Punchi Borelle Bo Gaha yata "ars*hole" Nice Guy Tom Cruise Samaraweera allegedly trying to embrace (Shouldn't that be embarrass? - ED) senior leaders by making indirect claims that some of them were plotting to assassinate the President Chandrapala Sirimavo Bandaranayake Solomon West Ridgeway Dias Kumaratunga. Earlier, Opposition Leader Mahinda "Also Ran" Moustache "Polthel" Rajapassa Rajapakse called for an inquiry into the news report, prompting the Criminal Investigation Department (CID) to drop everything else and begin an investigation into the alleged threat to the President's life. Meanwhile a number of murders were comitted in the country with utter sadness too gruesome to belive and aiyo! if you had seen the dead body with the head cut off and how may he be suffering if in fact according to bystanding people he was not already finished! (Cut the melodramatics! - Ed) The CID has begun probing reports by recording Mr. Rajapakse's statement on Kompact disk eka and casset.. cassette. "This was a goma-slinging campaign against me and other senior party loyalists," Mr. Rajapakse told ColomboPage. It is learnt that the controversial report was based on an anonymous telephone call to political writer Keerthi Madpage Crazylanka Mc Malupaan Corporation of Punchi Borella. "But now we understood that this report was baseless and we are ready to apologise to the Opposition Leader," the company spokesperson added. "In fact we are so apologetic we are quite prepared to apologise to anybody man woman vegetable geological material landmine cow dung dead fish goat droppings mixed with goat urine dryfish unfit for human consumption cans of Coca Cola past the best before date politicians past the best before date empty bottles of Arrack....(Thatsh enough grovelling! - Ed) if they care to send an e-mail to our offis ...stop hitting me!....aaaaaagh!
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