SCN Features Syndicate Presents....Ranilgé Dinapotha...
Ranil's Diary Your's Truly, Ranil Wicks. Vol9
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24th May 2002
I am on my way at last to a silly country called Belgium and then to London! It just so happens that our team are in England. There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that I am only going aboard...I mean see the cricket.

I was hoping that this trip will shut up my greatest critic Manthree. She just sits and sings a silly song which goes "Pussycat, pussycat where have you been? I've been to London to visit the Queen". It is begining to get on my nerves!

The main attraction in Belgium is a statue of a boy urinating! Can't see what is special about that! We see that for real everyday here in Srilanka!

25th May 2002
This is what happens when you let Mullahs run "our" national airline! My plane made an emergency landing in Dubai. Engine trouble! That woman sold off our airline to the Oilies of the Gulf and since then we have had problems. Mind you we had problems even when we owned the airline but then it was at least our airline. I suppose on the plus side we can now blame someone else for the mess.
There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that I started fighting with the pilot asking for a parachute when the emergency was announced. I never shouted "I am the Pry Minister!" and pushed an air hostess out of the way when getting out of the aircraft.

I did manage to get a free Srilankan Airways ballpoint pen!

26th May 2002
Today is Vesak and "Preethi Vesak" to all my readers! Unfortunately I am not in SriLanka...neither is old Satellite. Who is running the country? I hear you ask. I have enough MPs and other underlings to run the country and in any case with modern remote controls you can run the country by remote! Don't worry! There is no "Self Destruct" button on my remote! Unlike on George W. Bush's.

Manthree is happy and that's what matters. Anything for a quite..I mean quiet...wife as I always say! I'd better say that again in case you miss the joke: "Anything for a quiet wife!". Get it? "Anything for a quiet life!"

28th May 2002
I am in Europe at last! Far away from the so-called Indian sub-continental. Mullah Musharaff and Onion Bhaji are trying to fry each other with nucleer..nuclear weapons and the radioactive falloff...or is it fall out?....might drift towards Serendib.

It will have to fall out on Eelam first! Hope the jackals get it first! Cheering thought! Ha! Ha! Prabhakaran "The Erumai" glowing a flourescent green because of the radioactive thing!
If India and Pakistan destroy each other Srilanka will become the biggest Cricketing nation in the world! Another Cheering thought!

29th May 2002
Today I met a nice woman called Clare Short. She was not exactly short but was rather nice. "Dumpy, Short, Ugly woman!" said Manthree. "You have very bad tastes in women!"she said viciously. I said "Yes! I married one didn't I". She nearly hit me with a bottle of Champain...Champaigne..We were at a party at NUMBER 10! Yes, of course I met my counterprat Tony Blair the Pry Minister of London. "You must call it Tony Villa, not Number Ten" I said jokingly! "Ha! Ha!" said Tony. He said "Ha! Ha!" to everything I said. A clown..said Manthree.
Yes. Great Britain is now divided up into provinces and separate states. There is Scotland which is like Eelam then there is Wales and then there is Little Lanka which is near Southall which is in West London. I gave Tony a lot of advice.
the king manthree cbk prabha mahinda erik {short description of image} other lefties onion bhaji {short description of image} THE CAST
Myself, King Ranil of Bentota Manthree my wife, nice woman. Satellite the President Prabha the Jackal, King of Eelam Mahinda Rajapassa, Leader of the Smellies Erik the Viking, a tourist The unwashed, Commie, Pol Pots. Other assorted looney lefties Onion Bhaji, President of India Daffy Duck with Plawn Flied Lice.
An American guy who runs the world

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This feature was first launched on the 23rd of March 2002. Based on "The Diaries of John Major" in Private Eye which itself was based on the Adrian Mole diaries by Sue Townsend. Meant to be humour and satire. Not a vicious attack on my old friend Ranil. Copyright © Gyan Fernando but do copy it and pass it on to your friends...or publish it on your is FREE! SCN, Srilanka Crazy News and the slogan "We weed out the serious news" are trademarks of the SCN/ MadPage/ McMaluPaan Corp.

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