SCN Features Syndicate Presents....
Ranil's Diary Your's Truly, Ranil Wicks. Vol5
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tried to use a traditional "Puss-Kola Potha" or a Ola leaf to
write my diary but gave up and got myself a Parker ballpoint pen
with an "Airbus Industrie" logo. The pen was a present
from my friend Mahinda. He tells me that the previous government got a
lot of free ballpoint pens from Airbus in return for buying their
planes. Unfortunately Prabha blew up some of them...the planes...not the
ball point pens. That was naughty!
I must get a ball point pen from the Boeing Aircraft Company....
21st April 2002
Everyone is blaming me for allowing the country to go down the drain. My argument is that I only inherited this mess recently and from Satellite and her Smellies of the PA. In any case the country can't go down the drain because the drains are blocked and have been blocked since the British left us. Just smell the Wellawatte Canal!
Canal No 5! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Got that joke? It's a very old one!
Meanwhile Prabha and his Jackals are fighting Jayalalitha and her MGR's of Tamil Nadu...verbally at the moment....But just watch this space....!
22nd April 2002
Today a few misguided Buddhist monks tried to organise a protest against the my peace process. Since Buddhism is about peace and compassion and that sort of thing why these guys should be protesting against me is a mystery to me. They didn't get very far! The traffic was bad on the Galle Road ("Block Eka") and my police stopped them for obstructing the traffic!
Meanwhile El Presidente, Chandrika the Satellite launched (Satellite launched? Get that? Ha! Ha! Ha!) her own website at Chandrika Dot Org
I tried to get to her website and found a "Block Eka" on the www!
The message read "The daily bandwidth limit for this member has been exceeded. Try again after midnight, EST. Click here for more information." Ha! Ha! Ha! Getting stuck in the Political World is bad enough, but to get stuck on the WWW is very, very bad! Meanwhile no doubt you have been to my own website at http://www.ranil.ws/ You will find silly pics of me from about the age of two!
23rd April 2002
This morning I tried phoning some of my Ministers and found that they have all gone aboard...I mean abroad... and were having fun. This is very bad. That is exactly what happened to the previous government. I am not like that! "I have been only to India and to Eelam" I said. "Trust you to end up doing all the work and they having fun! Ah?" said Manthree.
"I want to go shopping!" she said rather majestically.
"I will take you to Majestic City!" I said.
She called me something unprintable. Apparently she wants to go shopping aboard.....I mean abroad.... like the wives of my Ministers....but now is not the right time....Still, she is a nice girl!
25th April 2002
Old Satellite has gone to India to say hello to Onion Bhaji but mostly to buy saris and for the photo opportunities! She is a bit glum because she doesn't get her pic in the papers! I am more important! Hope she gets a tummy upset from eating all that filthy Indian food!
Meanwhile a London based Jackal by the name of Balasingham had enough of life in the Vanni and decided to get back to London. I am surprised that his White Woman could stand the Vanni that long. No toilet paper! In fact no toilets!
The number two crazy Srilankan picture site!
The number one site is The Ceylon Daily Noise.
This feature was first launched on the 23rd of March 2002. Based on "The Diaries of John Major" in Private Eye which itself was based on the Adrian Mole diaries by Sue Townsend. Meant to be humour and satire. Not a vicious attack on my old friend Ranil. Copyright © Gyan Fernando but do copy it and pass it on to your friends...or publish it on your website..it is FREE!
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