SCN Features Syndicate Presents....
Ranil's Diary Your's Truly, Ranil Wicks. Vol6
|Rite to Ranil||ARCHIVES|
|Presented and syndicated by the SCN Features Syndicate. Updated everyday or when something happens in the old republic which is usually everyday! HOME|
In case you are interested I am still using the ballpoint pen with the AIRBUS INDUSTRIE logo...The opposition Smellies have stacks of them!
28th April 2002
Today I heard on the news that Prabha the Jackal is offering compensation to the displaced Sinhalese if they return to Jackal Country! I think we should accept his generous offer. I will ask my Ministers (if I can find them!) to organise buses to take all the poor people to Eelam, collect the money and get back (or stay there?) Clever me! Who says the piss process is not workink..I mean working?
Today hundreds of brave soldiers nearly died in Vavuniya...of food poisoning! Our army cooks nearly achieved what the Jackals couldn't. Maybe we should use them as our secret biological weapon! ("Ennadah! They are using new weapons! They are sending in the cooks! Ahhhh!...")
We have already had offers from Uncle Sadam!
30th April 2002
Yesterday was the 9th anniversary of our former Presidente Premadasa. His death, actually...which was not pleasant...at least not for him. He got blown up! At Armour Street. Horrible! I had to unveil a bronze statue of him and launch a new stamp. One day I will get a stamp of my own, I said. "You will have to first get blown up!" said Mahinda of the Smellies rather viciously. "That was funny!" said Manthree. Silly woman!
"I will be remembered" I said majestically! "Like Elvis Presley and Jim Reeves!" said Manthree. Why Elvis Presley and Jim Reeves? I can't sing! "They are dead as well!" said Manthree with a sigh.
2nd May 2002
Yesterday was May Day which of course has been hi-jacked by the rotting carcasses of what is leftover from the LSSP, CP(Moscow Wing), CP(Peking Wing), JVP(violent), JVP(non-violent), Bring Back Pol Pot Party...(The BBPPP) and other assorted bearded stinko-commie, fungus-faced, Che Guevara-Fidel Castro lookalikes who make the late Mao Tse Tung look like a nice old maternal Grand Uncle!
They were led by an old fart called Batty Weerakone! Anybody with a first name like Batty should have been sent off to Mulleriyawa a long time ago. Obviously he doesn't know what "Batty" means!
As usual they gathered at Hyde Park, farted about a bit and then went home...no doubt to beat up their wives! And that is what happened yesterday!
I gather that Tony Blair, my British counter prat..I mean counterpart, had some minor difficulties in London on similar lines.
The number two crazy Srilankan picture site!
The number one site is The Ceylon Daily Noise.
This feature was first launched on the 23rd of March 2002. Based on "The Diaries of John Major" in Private Eye which itself was based on the Adrian Mole diaries by Sue Townsend. Meant to be humour and satire. Not a vicious attack on my old friend Ranil. Copyright © Gyan Fernando but do copy it and pass it on to your friends...or publish it on your website..it is FREE!
SCN, Srilanka Crazy News and the slogan "We weed out the serious news" are trademarks of the SCN/ MadPage/ McMaluPaan Corp.