VOLUME 1 {short description of image} SCN SRILANKA CRAZY NEWS
SCN: WE WEED OUT THE SERIOUS NEWS! {short description of image}INDEX

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Jay-walking jumbo killed by truck in Sri Lanka
{short description of image} July 05 2001
17:23 IST COLOMBO, July 5 (AFP) - A jay-walking teenage elephant was killed in a road accident in northeastern Sri Lanka, local officials said Thursday.
COLOMBO, July 5 (AFP) - A jay-walking teenage elephant was killed in a road accident in northeastern Sri Lanka, local officials said Thursday.
The 15-year-old jumbo was knocked down by a truck when it tried to cross the road that runs through a teak forest in the Habarana area on Tuesday night, a local wildlife official said. The truck was a write-off and the driver was injured. It was the second road incident involving an elephant in the past week. Earlier, a tusker experienced a fit of road-rage and pushed aside a bus after the driver rudely obstructed its way along a main highway in the central town of Eheliyagoda. Windows in the bus were smashed, but police did not press charges.
Nuts sell nuts
{short description of image} Cartoon images of vomiting and loose motion will not sell nuts, the Sri Lanka Cashew Corporation has finally decided.
Sunday Island 1.7.01 Island Capers
SLCC has started printing new labels for their packets of nuts to replace older bundles which carried illustrated warnings to consumers that buying low-quality nuts from rival suppliers caused vomiting and loose motion, as well as long-term diseases. A retching cartoon character perched on a toilet, warn that excess moisture contained in cashew will make one end up just like him. Long-term diseases, thankfully, are not accompanied by diagrams. However, SLCC chairman, D. K. Gunasekara said that the labels had been printed long ago and that instructions have been sent to withdraw them from the market. Meanwhile, new packets are expected in their sales outlets in a week. The "off-putting" labels recently figured in a travellers' tale in the Far Eastern Economic Review. It had been sent by Ranil Bibile, once GM of the Hotel Lanka Oberoi, now working in the Seychelles. (Contributed by Fazli Sameer, one of my regular correspondents.-Ed)
SEE THE PICTURE IN OUR PICTURE FILES
An environmentally conscious pachyderm
{short description of image} Road-rage hits elephant in Sri Lanka
Monday July 2, 3:53 PM (AFP) Road-rage hits elephant in Sri Lanka.
A Sri Lankan elephant experienced a fit of road-rage, pushing aside a bus after the driver rudely obstructed its way. The elephant was ambling along a main highway in the central town of Eheliyagoda recently when a private bus overtook it and came to an abrupt halt in the path of the pachyderm, the Lankadeepa newspaper reported. As several trumpet calls failed to get the obstructing bus out of the way, the tusker pushed the offending vehicle and smashed its windows before continuing its journey.
Police did not press charges.

OH S**T!
{short description of image} Sri Lanka's newest tourist attraction: elephant dung
July 1 (AFP) A Sri Lankan company is taking recycling to a new level by using paper made from elephant dung to appeal to environmentally-conscious locals and tourists. Up-market restaurants and hotels are presenting their menus bound in exotic boards made of recycled dung, which the manufacturer guarantees is sun-dried, sanitised, disinfected and deodorised. more..
"It is a conversation piece. People immediately want to smell it," says Thusitha Ranasinghe, a director of Maximus, the company which makes the novel product.
There is no trace of the raw material in the hand-made product, although a connoisseur may be able to tell what the elephant ate for dinner. Ranasinghe says they offer two varieties of paper -- dark and light. The dark type comes from an elephant which has eaten a meal of branches from the palmyrah tree, while a jumbo snacking on coconuts will produce lighter paper.
Astrologers Rule!
{short description of image} Stars in wrong place for Sri Lanka census
June 21 (AFP) Sri Lanka's first national census in 20 years is to be brought forward by a day because the authorities had chosen one of the most astrologically auspicious days of the year for the head count. Census chief A. G. Nanayakkara said the July 18 date set aside for the nationwide count of Sri Lankans would coincide with a large number of marriages because the day was seen as particularly lucky.
Editorial poetic license on this story may be found in the story "Stand up and be counted twice!" at...CLICK
Viper fails to kill woman!
{short description of image} NEWSLANKA London
"A remarkable incident where an elderly woman who narrowly escaped death from being bitten by a venomous viper, suffered death instantly, on the spot after being hit by lightning, just three hours later is reported from ...Mundel."
"...it was stated that this woman at about 11.00a.m. on this day had let loose her cattle as usual, and had led one of the animals by rope to be tethered on to a coconut tree when she had spotted this viper coiling itself to attack her on the leg which was very close to the viper.
She had jumped aside instinctively and raised cries. Several people who intervened have killed the viper and all were astonished at her narrow escape.
On the same day at about 2 p.m she had been struck dead by lightning while she was standing in the verandah of the house."

See {short description of image}MODERN FABLES
The Gods are angry with me...

{short description of image} This one is from NEWSLANKA of the 5th of April 2001 and apparently worthy of notice by REUTERS. It had a Reuters by-line. This guy, a 45 year-old farmer by the name of Amarasinghe from Padaviya (North East Srilanka) had been captured by The Tigers. Whilst in captivity he made a vow to various (unnamed) gods that if he was ever freed he will offer them KIRIBUTH (milk rice). After 15 months of captivity The Tigers released him and three others. So far so good. He set about preparing Kiributh, realised he was out of coconuts and climbed a tree to pluck one! He fell. Dead on arrival. The other three are believed to have made similar vows. It is to be hoped that they will learn something from what happened to their late associate and fellow captive.

( NOTE: This one has had a rather heavy editorial hand. I have lost the original wording.-Ed)

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