VOLUME 14 {short description of image} SCN SRILANKA CRAZY NEWS
SCN: WE WEED OUT THE SERIOUS NEWS! {short description of image}INDEX

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Beware, idiots crossing the road!
{short description of image} "Beware, idiots crossing the road!"
The Island, 31 Aug 2001Opinion ( slightly abridged)
Once again, the students of the Faculty of Arts of the University of Peradeniya have demonstrated their immaturity, ignorance and inability to think clearly. After a minor traffic accident (20.08.2001) in which a female student was injured on the main Galaha Road that runs through the campus, the students had deflated the tyres and made the driver to climb on to the roof of the vehicle and adopt humiliating postures. (Nice to note that that sort of thing still happens in the campus! - Ed)

Timely arrival of the campus security and police had prevented a major calamity. The rampaging students have since dug up the road and put up barriers inconveniencing the public......Every problem has a solution and I have a proposition. The only way to prevent traffic accidents on the campus is to give adequate warning to motorists about the perils of driving through the campus. I suggest that the university authorities put up large signboards along the stretch of the Galaha Road that runs through the campus, mainly in front of the Faculty of Arts, to warn the motorists as follows: "Beware, idiots crossing the road!" This is not a novel idea. I have seen similar signboards in England to protect badgers - "badgers crossing the road'. One may come across signboards that warn the motorists of "kangaroos crossing the road" in Australia. Let us be compassionate. Creatures who cannot think, contemplate and comprehend deserve all the sympathy.
A Motorist Kandy
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY
{short description of image} The Island Wednesday 29th August, 2001
(Abridged.)

Main challenge facing country today is ethnic problem — CP
It is the accepted position of the Communist Party that the main challenge facing the country today is nothing but the ethnic question, now turned a full-scale war.
(This is unbelieveable! It takes the venerable old Communist Party this long to suddenly work this out! We thought all along that the problems were a few mosquitoes, Dengue Fever and the perennial Malaria..But ethnic problems?- Ed)
Since its inception in 1983, the war by its very disastrous nature during the last 18 years of its operation, has inflicted its effects adversely on the daily lives of the people at large.

Bent Magistrate? ( Or Magistrate Hora!)

{short description of image}Novel escape by remand prisoner (Abridged)
(Daily News Saturday, 25 August 2001)
by Sarath Malalasekera
The Police Narcotics Bureau (PNB) yesterday commenced investigtions into the escape of an Indian national, a suspect remanded in connection with the possession of heroin at the Negombo Remand Prison.
Investigations directed by DIG C.L. Ratnayake, Director PNB revealed that the suspect had been arrested by the PNB officials of the Bandaranaike International Airport (BIA) on September 28, 1999 when he attempted to smuggle into the country 700 grams of heroin. Later he was produced before the Negombo Magistrate and remanded until the completion of investigations. (So far routine, but wait! - Ed)
Yesterday morning officials of the Welikada Remand Prison had informed the PNB that the suspect was produced before the Maligakanda Magistrate and released after he had paid the fine imposed by the Court.(Note change of venue - Ed)
DIG Ratnayake said that the suspect was produced before the Negombo Magistrate and remanded at the Negombo Prison. There was no case pending against the suspect before the Maligakanda Magistrate, he added......

Investigators are trying to ascertain how the suspect was brought to Maligakanda and who gave orders to produce the suspect before the Maligakanda Magistrate's Court and how he was released while the case against him was pending before the Negombo Magistrate's Court.
LATEST EXPORT
{short description of image} Daily News (letter) Tuesday, 28 August 2001 Waste paper According to a recent news item, ‘waste paper has emerged as Sri Lanka’s biggest export product to India after the implementation of the Indo-Lanka Free Trade Agreement in March last year.' (We at SCN are not at all surprised. Indians eat anything! - Ed)

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