VOLUME 18 {short description of image} SCN SRILANKA CRAZY NEWS
SCN: WE WEED OUT THE SERIOUS NEWS! {short description of image}INDEX

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Sober elephant
{short description of image} All's well that ends well
(Daily News 5 Oct 2001)
Mahouts are notoriously hard drinkers. This one was already drunk as he led his elephant along the main road from Kuruwita to Eheliyagoda when he passed an illicit liquor den. He could not resist the temptation to have another 'one for the road' and leaving his charge by the roadside he went in. The elephant however ambled along on his way and soon enough people who saw him sans his mahout, began panicking.
All's well that ends well. The mahout who took all of half an hour for his drink tottered out of the liquor den and panicked when he saw his elephant had disappeared. He had to pay a three wheeler driver to take him miles before he came up with the elephant who was beginning to forage in the rich vegetation in the gardens of terror struck villages, and took control once again.
...sixty minutes of distance lost! The world will never be yours and what's more, you will never be a projectionist, my son!
{short description of image} Crouching Tiger missing footage
(Letter, Daily News 4 Oct 2001)

I am referring to the award winning film currently being screened at Majestic City and a couple of cinemas in the outstations. I viewed this film at Sigiri cinema, Katugastota, last week. I found that the film was disjointed and lacked a sense of continuity and the running time of the entire film was under 1 1/2 hours in duration. A few days back I met some English friends and whilst discussing this film they assured me that in the U.K. the running time was over 2 1/2 hours. (That's a loss of 60 minutes! - Ed)
Just deserts?!
{short description of image} Army deserter fails in stunt
ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka Oct 03, Colombo: Expectations of an Army deserter in Katugastota for a show piece funeral were short lived when he got police and the Army.
The unsuspecting Army and police obliged a request by a hero in the northern battle front when he told the police that he needed some police and Army personnel for his father's funeral. (Cheeky bugger! - Ed) Both the police and the Army from Pallekele camp came for the funeral (So much so for Army intelligence! - Ed) but a military man who observed the movements of the soldier suspected his behavior. He gathered information from villagers and found that the soldier had deserted the Army about a year ago.
As soon as the funeral was over, the man was arrested.
No Execuses Offisher!
{short description of image} Child cruelty case: Police give broken typewriter as execuse (Sic -Ed)
by Kurunegala Special Cor (Daily News Sept 29 2001)
Police told the Wariyapola Magistrate, Ms. Padma Palihakkara, that the case extract in a child cruelty case could not be submitted to the Attorney General as the typewriter in the Police Station was broken.
In this case, Chandrasiri Wickremasuriya, principal of Sri Sumangala Maha Vidyalaya, Wariyapola, is charged with assaulting an 11 year-old girl student in the school premises. Earlier the magistrate had ordered the case be heard in the High Court, Kurunegala and asked the Police to report to her last Tuesday confirming that action had been taken to execute her order. On trial date counsel for the victim, Vasantha Kumara, had submitted that the child had suffered grievous hurt and moved that the case be heard before the High Court.
When the Police complained about the broken typewriter, the magistrate asked how was it that she had documents typed subsequent to her order before her.
The Police had no answer.
Off by a few thousand years
{short description of image} Sri Lanka stamp issued 4,545 years too late
(Newslanka 27 Sept 2001 quoting Reuters)
Red-faced Srilankan postal authorities ordered an inquiry on Thursday after a printing error left an important Buddhist commemorative stamp 4.545 years out of date, officials said.
The stamp, issued this week in honour of one of the country's premier Buddhist societies, was dated 2544 BC, for "before Christ", instead of BE, for "Buddhist era" which would have signified the current year of the Buddhist calendar.
An official of the Philatelic Bureau told Reuters an inquiry had been launched, but said it was too late to recall the stamps from hundreds of post offices across the country.

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