VOLUME 32 {short description of image} SCN SRILANKA CRAZY NEWS
SCN: WE WEED OUT THE SERIOUS NEWS! {short description of image}INDEX

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Accidental Arson?
{short description of image} Deliberate arson at Govt Printers
by Bharatha Malawaraarachchi (Daily News 27th April 2002)
With the discovery of an empty petrol bottle at the scene of the fire which gutted several important documents and court productions at the Government Press, Police is now investigating whether this could be a deliberate act of arson. (The Oxford Dictionary defines arson as "malicious setting of fire of house etc.." By definition therefore, arson is a deliberate act. There is no need to qualify it! Has anyone come across accidental arson? - Ed)
Future Finance Ministers!
{short description of image} Schoolboys caught with notes not from school
(The Island 16-4-2002)
Mirihana police arrested two school boys of Akmeemana, Galle and recovered 13 (1000 rupee) counterfeit notes from their possession. The two suspects had come to Nugegoda to change these counterfeit notes after printing them on computers. Several notes had been exchanged in Nugegoda, but were not found, police said. (NP) (We at SCN can't see what is so newsworthy about this. Successive governments have been printing money for years to balance the budget! May be they should be arrested as well! - Ed)
Conductor Averts Lightning!
{short description of image} Thunder bolt strikes bus
(Daily News 16-4-2002)
A minor thunder bolt struck a running Ruhunu Bus Company bus in Ambalangoda resulting in severe injuries to eyes and face of its driver. This bus was on the way to Karuwalabedda-Aluthwala along with about fifty passengers but no harm caused to the passengers, the conductor said. (We assume that the conductor harmlessly earthed it! Conductor? Lightning Conductor? Get it? - Ed) The injured driver, D. V. S. Dayananda was admitted to Base Hospital, Balapitiya and then to the Karapitiya General Hospital, Galle. The windscreen of the front section was very badly damaged.
Pain in the Bum
{short description of image} PSD chief undergoes sudden operation
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] April 02, Colombo: PSD chief Nihal Karunaratne underwent surgery at the Navaloka private hospital within minutes of his arrest by the CID. Hospital sources said he was operated for hemorrhoids.
When the Fort magistrate Priyantha Fernando visited the hospital, Mr. Karunaratne had been taken to the surgery. The magistrate left the hospital, advising the CID to inform him when he could see the suspect. Mr. Karunaratne was later taken back to the ward. Sources said a very highly placed person had moved in the matter and gotten the doctors to perform an emergency operation on him to prevent him from being taken to the Welikada or the Bogambara prison. (Ouch! Painful! - Ed) Spotter: Ranil Bibile.
{short description of image} Odd Spot: A bleeding question for PSD man
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] April 05, Colombo: Did the PSD chief really undergo a surgery to remove hemorrhoids is the million-dollar question. When did he get the symptoms? Did a smart doctor think of it to save the man? It is said that authorities have now decided to get to the bottom of it through a judicial medical officer. (Bottom is the operative word! - Ed)
Kachcherius Interruptus!
{short description of image} Inspector sees his own seal at 'mini' kachcheri
By Senaka de Silva (Daily Mirror 3-4-2002)
Negombo police yesterday detected a 'mini kachcheri' which issued instant certificates of birth, marriage, death and one-day identity cards and passports. Negombo police Chief Inspector Dhammika Dayananda said one person was arrested along with several computers when they raided the illegal kachcheri at Lewis Place. He said that among the items recovered was his own seal which he believed had been used in issuing character certificates. Police said more arrests were likely soon.
Spotter and ideas man: Ranil Bibile.
Quite literally!
{short description of image} Alternate Space The Great ‘Chinese’ food epidemic
by Sasanka Perera (The Island 27-3-2002)
As we all know quite well, in contemporary Sri Lanka, small outfits calling themselves Chinese restaurants have literally mushroomed over the last eighteen years or so. (Now we know why Chinese Restaurants offer Stir Fried Beef with Mushrooms! They mushroom....literally! - Ed
Sura Mera Majja Pama...
{short description of image} Merrymaking robe-clad persons remanded
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] March 26,
Colombo: The Badulla Magistrate Sumana Amarasiri has ordered the remanding of four youth for drunken behaviour opposite the Muthiyangana Rajamahaviharaya in Badulla.
They claimed that they were Buddhist Monks attached to a Buddhist Viharaya in Boossa, Galle.
They were arrested while making merry on 23 March. They were clad in T-shirts and trousers, having discarded the robes, the police said.
A mobile police unit had found the robes while searching the van they had traveled in. The four monks were remanded until today.

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