SCN SCN Srilanka Crazy News Vol 43 We weed out the serious news! INDEX
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Top Military Brass Salute A Bit Of Fluff!
"Dummy president" triggers protocol fiasco at Sri Lanka rehearsal
COLOMBO, Feb 3 (AFP) - Sri Lanka's military top brass were red faced Monday after discovering that the "dummy president" they saluted at independence day rehearsals here was a junior woman constable, officials said.
For the first time in decades, the military chiefs and the police inspector general took part in the dress rehearsals for Tuesday's celebrations and only learnt of their faux pas after the event, officials said.
"Usually it is the president's seniormost official who would be sent for something like this," an official organising the celebrations said. "We didn't know that the woman sent by the president's office was a constable from her security unit."
"What can we do?
Her star(sic) must be good and she has a picture of a life time showing service chiefs saluting her."

Heil Chandrapala!
Top Military Brass Salute A Bit Of Fluff!
"Her star(sic) must be good and she has a picture of a life time showing service chiefs saluting her".

Rancid Polecat Brings Country To A Halt!
'Dead rat ' adjourns meeting
(The Island 24-1-2003)
Western Provincial Council sessions on Monday had to be limited to only a few minutes due to the stench emanating from a dead rat inside the council chamber. WPC Minister for Health and Council Affairs Nandana Mendis rising just after the sessions commenced requested the chairman to adjourn since there was an unbearable stench inside the chamber. Acting chairman A. M. Yusuf after consulting other members adjourned the sessions. The council will meet again on January 28.
Drunk Bandaraniyke or Katunayake?
Advisor's anatomy exposed [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] Jan 22, Colombo: The only brother and advisor of a VVIP was descending from a plane at the airport named after his father when his pair of trousers came down and rested on the ground.

He was returning from his famous trip to the US. The man was in full spirits (Corr: i.e. drunk as usual) and all attempts to cover the lower part of his anatomy failed. Some security men rushed and helped the man to cover his vital parts. He was dispatched home in a car hired by them.
The advisor was heard singing the famous baila "Me rate inna Minissu kelinne pissu" while getting into the car.
Rogues in robes!
Two ancient Buddha statues recovered, monk arrested
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] Jan 21, Colombo: Two ancient marble Buddha statues stolen from the Sri Pushparama Viharaya in Dodangoda, Kalutara, were discovered in a Viharaya at Yatadolawatta, Matugama, by the Dodangoda Police.
The two marble Buddha statues, which were stolen January 11th, had been received from Burma. Investigations were carried out on the heels of a complaint made to the Police by the Chief Priest of the temple. The bhikku in whose possession the two Buddha statues were found had told the Police that the statues were found in the jungle on the temple premises. The two

statues are now in Police custody while Police continue to question the bhikku.
Sacred tooth?
Monk remanded for selling elephant tusk

By Leary Beekmeyer (Daily Mirror 20-01-2003)
Colombo Central Vice Squad yesterday, took into custody a Buddhist priest belonging to a temple at Gintupitiya and another when he was about to sell an elephant tusk to a Pettah businessman for Rs. 150,000/-. The priest was in possession of a elephant tusk worth Rs. 500,000/- and upon interrogation by the Vice Squad said that he had obtained the tusk from an LTTE'r for Rs. 75,000/- when he lived in Trincomalee.
Both suspects were produced before the Colombo Magistrate. They were remanded.
I take this woman's hand to have and to hold?
Hubby cuts woman's hand
(Daily News 20-1-2003)A man cut a part of his wife's hand and escaped with it when she refused to go home with him, Chilaw Police said.

H. M. Rasika Damayanthi, 26, had left her husband and had been living with a relative at Mugunuwatawana in Chilaw. The woman had refused her husband's demand to return home.
He had then cut the woman's hand, Police said. Damayanthi, admitted to Chilaw hospital was later transferred to Colombo National Hospital. The suspect, an Army deserter, had been earlier attached to the security staff of a former deputy Minister, investigations revealed.  
They all wallow in mud!
Lighter Vein: Mud bath leads to head chop? [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] Jan 16, Colombo: The sudden 48-hour disruption to the water supply in the Greater Colombo area resulted in the Minister in charge, Arumugam Thondaman, not having water for his bath.
Officials at the Water Board dispatched a water bowser pronto to the Minister’s residence. The Minister had reportedly been so eager to take a bath that he had not waited for the stipulated period of 30 minutes for the sediment in the water to settle, resulting in him literally having a mud bath.
The enraged Minister allegedly demanded the resignation of the Acting Chairman of the Board, Tyronne Peiris.
Arumugam Thondaman, Minister
He died happy!
Falls into kasippu cauldron and dies
By Gamini Mahagedera - Galle (Daily Mirror 14-1-2003)A person who was boiling water in a pit to distill Kasippu fell into the container and died due to injuries caused by burns. The victim is D. Ramyasiri de Silva (40) of Kahawa, Uduwaragoda in the Ambalangoda police division. He was a father of six children who lived on selling kasippu.
He fell into the pit at about 7.15 p.m. while working at the Kasippu distilling location and was rushed to Balapitiya hospital with serious injuries. Later he was transferred to Karapitiya hospital where he died. Inquirer into Sudden Deaths N. J. Arambawela who conducted the inquest recorded that the death was due to burns. Galle JMO D. D. Samaraweera conducted the post mortem.
They are all nuts!
Hungarian tourist sent to Angoda mental hospital by tour operators
Frederica Jansz in Colombo, 9 a.m. SLT Monday January 13 .
A Hungarian tourist, Dr. Katalin Nemes, who while on holiday in Sri Lanka sought medical treatment for a spinal pain had been sent to the Angoda Mental hospital instead.
That night her medical condition got worse. Katalin complained of terrible pain in her spine as well as claimed she suffered from high blood pressure. On Christmas day, Strassburger, took her to the local private hospital in Negombo the "Ave Maria." She had been given heavy sedatives and her memory is still not sure of the exact happenings at the hospital and soon after.

Later she remembers that she had been taken to the National Mental Hospital at Angoda where she was warded.
From the diagnosis sheet of the doctor, it was said that according to his observations there was no nature or sign of mental disturbance in the lady.

A doctor in Colombo later confirmed that Katalin had a serious spinal complaint which required urgent medical attention.
We both share the same razor
Accident revealed Priyangika’s real sex

(Daily Mirror 13-1-2003)
The Kurunegala police and the Military police have initiated inquiries in connection with an incident in which a person who claimed to be a soldier and lived a married life with another soldier pretending to be a female.
This incident was disclosed when the "young woman" who was admittd to Kuruneglaa (sic) hospital was undergoing treatment. "She was admitted to hospital with a fractured ankle caused when the trishaow (sic) in which she was travelling collided with a motor car at Malkaduwawa, Kurunegala on Friday (10).
While she was undergoing a surgical operation doctors in the operation room had found that "she" is a male. The doctors then informed the hospital police that the injured patient was a man. The "young woman" who is fair in complexion had applied lipstick and worn a brassiere. "She" had an identity card indicating that she was a female army soldier. "Her" name was given as Priyangika Menike. Police suspect that the ID is a forged one and that that had been used to conceal her sex.
Priyagika's real name is M A Karunaratne. He is a resident of Polonnaruwa. Kurunegala police are making inquiries to ascertain whether he was really in the army. Karunaratne who disguised himself as "Priyangika" had married another soldier at Uhumiya Kiralabokka a year ago. Priyangika who lived for some time in the husband's house had left his house some time back. When the parents of the husband came to know the accident of the daugher-in-law they had come to hospital with female clothes. She had travelled in the trishow (sic) alone.
The soldier who married Priyangika has still not been LOCATED. Inquiries are being made to ascertain whether he is attached to a camp in Anuradhapura.
Kiwi birds for sale
Some immigration scam brides 'unaware' they were being used
13 January 2003 (n.z.p.a)
Some of the New Zealand brides caught up in a marriage-for-residency racket exposed in a newspaper report this weekend may be unaware they are being used. A South Auckland woman said she married a Sri Lankan man for love, but discovered he was part of a scam and planned to leave her as soon as his New Zealand residency came through. The incident suggested that participants in the scam have tricked some of the brides to give the marriages a greater chance of appearing genuine to immigration authorities.
Full story main story
Great Headlines No 1
'Innocent persons not found guilty' -Government Analyst

by Shanika Sriyananda Liyanage (Sunday Observer 12-1-2003)
K. Sivaraja, Government Analyst, referring to our article 'Forensic Blunders' which appeared in last week's Sunday Observer said that no innocent person has been found guilty of rape and murder.
If they have no bread throw them McMalupaan!
Government MPs want full investigation into bread-throwing incident [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] Jan 11, Colombo: A point of order has been raised relating to the hurling of a loaf of bread by the opposition at Minister Ravi Karunanayake in parliament. The incident took place as the House was debating a draft bill on the setting up of a Consumer Authority.

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