SCN SCN Srilanka Crazy News Vol 45 We weed out the serious news! INDEX
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The Other Green Party!
Green Movement urges eco-friendly elections by ANTON NONIS

The Green Movement of Sri Lanka (GMSL) is waging war on environment-unfriendly political campaigns, and has appealed to the Elections Commissioner to take action against those using polythene, plastic and posters in their bid to win votes.
According to Suranjan Kodituwakku, Convenor of GMSL, the Commissioner of Elections is vested with the power of police under the Parliamentary Election Act No. 4 of 1981 and can take appropriate action, including removing environmentally-offensive decorations.
"Ennadah!" Or "ADO!"?
"Sinhala Only" election materials irk NorthEast officials
[TamilNet, February 20, 2004 17:54 GMT] NorthEast officials responsible for conducting the forthcoming elections are irked at their Colombo counterparts for sending instructions and other election materials in "Sinhala only," thereby causing procedural snarl at the NorthEast election offices, officials in Jaffna said. Neither English copies nor Tamil translations accompany the received election material, according the same sources.
Romeo Nearly Knifed!
Amorous salesman gets his desserts Kandy south group correspondent
(Daily News 4-2-2004)An amorous salesman in the habit of harrassing a pretty young woman in the heart of Kandy town, very nearly paid with his life. It was alleged that whenever the woman came to his shop or passed that way, he had the habit of casting highly suggestive and lewd remarks. The situation became so unbearable, that one day the woman lay in waited at an intersection close to this salesman's shop late in the afternoon. As he approached her, she pulled out a knife from her hand bag and attempted to stab him. But the Romeo grabbed her hand and prevented it. However,the irate woman managed to give her tormentor a couple of sound kicks, as a crowd gathered. The salesman knowing that he was in for more trouble released the young women's hand and took to his heels.
Facial Reconstruction!
Grama Niladhari arrested with pornographic pictures
By Kurulu Kariyakarawana (Daily Mirror 23-1-04)
A Grama Seva Niladhari of Nawalokapura, Kolonnawa was taken into custody for superimposing the face of a woman of the area over whom he was obsessed with pornographic pictures.
The Grama Seva Niladhari who was interested in a married woman with two children in the same area had been following her every day when she went to work and had become a nuisance to her. The woman, a government servant who was annoyed by this secret admirer had complained to the Grandpass police several times but he had kept on following her. Later, he had sent a number of letters and pornographic pictures superimposing her face to her office,(Sic!) ( Superimposing her face to her office?-Ed) to her friends and to her house.
This was immediately reported to the Grandpass police and with a search warrant police checked a betting center belonging to the Grama Niladhari at Vihara Mawatha, Kolonnawa.
OIC Grandpass, Chief Inspector, Susil Jayasinghe told the Daily Mirror that police recovered several photographs of the woman, a number of pornographic magazines, obscene pictures superimposed with the face of the woman and several rubber stamps of the department she worked in.
Sellama Lellama!
Cricket umpire killed
By Rebecca Fleming (Daily Mirror 23-1-04)
An 18-year-old youth who had been the umpire at a cricket match was allegedly attacked with a wicket by a player over a dispute and died at the Colombo National Hospital, the Coroner's court was told yesterday.
Mohamed Abusali Pasreen of Bettiyagoda, Kahapathwala died in the National Hospital after being hit on the head and bled from the mouth.
Eye witness said the tragedy had occurred when a group of about 15 were playing a cricket match on a field belonging to a teacher in the area. Mr. Pasreen was the umpire and the suspect who was bowling had claimed he was like Mustaq Ahamed but Mr. Pasreen had scoffed at it. This led to an argument and the 21-year-old suspect identified as Humsad had pulled out a stump and hit Mr. Pasreen. The victim was first treated at a dispensary but as his condition worsened in the night he was taken to the Kurunegala Hospital and then to the National Hospital where he died. The AJMO reported the victim had died after being hit on the head with a blunt weapon. The Coroner returned a verdict of homicide and the suspect has been remanded.
Blasted woman!
Sri Lankan throws a grenade at his wife

By SHIMALI SENANAYAKE ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- A soldier threw a grenade at his wife on a busy street in southern Sri Lanka on Monday, killing a 10-year-old girl and wounding 34 other passers-by, police said.
The wife was in critical condition along with the other wounded in the town of Galle, 65 miles south of Colombo, hospital officials said.
The suspect was set upon by other passers-by and was also hurt, according to witnesses. He was arrested and was being questioned, said M.N. Junaid, secretary to the interior ministry in charge of police.
Blood Is Thicker Than Water
Vampire in Seeduwa
(Daily Mirror 16-10-2003) A woman who had been reportedly obsessed by vampiric tendencies was remanded yesterday for allegedly stabbing to death her 36-year-old paramour and drinking his blood. Seeduwa police said the woman and the victim had been living together for the last two years after being separated from their spouses.

Police shoot for the pot!
Wild boars storm Ampara hospital [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] 6.10.03 Oct 05, Colombo: Two wild boars stormed the Ampara hospital this morning, injuring one person and damaging the hospital.
The wild boars, which came from the nearby jungle, first went through the hospital premises damaging windows and attacking one person. Then the two escaped the hospital and attacked groceries in the town.
Police said they finally had to gun down one of them.
As animal habitats are destroyed, wild boars and elephants have been entering nearby villages, looking for food and causing damage to both humans and themselves, sometimes even taking lives.
Police Chairman
Oh! I see, chair-man (Daily Mirror 12-09-2003)
The early morning bus in Kuliyapitiya carried a strange passenger. The bus was not crowded and a man who looked like a beggar had taken a seat but he also carried a chair in his lap - and it happened to be the chair of the Officer in Charge of the Kuliyapitiya police station.
While other passengers were too preoccupied to take a second look at the chair-man, a constable in civvies became suspicious apparently because he was familiar with an OIC's chair. Moving aside the chair, he saw that the man was using it to cover handcuffs. He was escorted to the police and the story came out.
The man was allegedly a heroin addict and had been held at the Kuliyapitiya police station with his hands cuffed to the OIC's chair. Deviously ingenious at times and with the desire for another shot irresistible, the addict tried his luck by escaping with the OIC's chair in the early hours when the skeleton guards were half-eyed.
No Risk Of Diarrhoea!
Pipe-borne kasippu in Moneragala The people of Moneragala were faced with a serious problem after a water supply scheme was reportedly polluted with kasippu. Reports said people were getting the contaminated water after the Moneragala police poured down a hill more than 65,000 litres of goda after raiding a kasippu den on the Monaragala Geelane mountain range. Though the people claimed the police had done so for the sake of convenience, it had got mixed up with the water supply scheme. Moneragala police said they were investigating into the matter.
No Hairy Legs Please!
Court finds shorts indecent
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] July 21, Colombo: The Moratuwa magistrate Jayantha Perera fined a man Rs. 100 for coming to court in a pair of shorts and a shirt. The man - Wedige Nishantha Fernando - came to court to watch a case and the court sergeant noticing his dress charged him for indecency. The magistrate later warned him not to come to court scantily dressed.
Let Lying Cops Sleep!
Sleeping cop loses his gun
[ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] July 21, Colombo: A police constable on duty at the police training college at Katunayake around midnight Saturday lost his weapons. Inquiries revealed that someone had robbed him of his gun while he was sleeping in the dead of night. The cop has been interdicted.
Her/His Knickers were worth a lot!
She-male drug dealer nabbed in Pettah
By Senaka De Silva (Daily Mirror 8-7-2003)
A male drug dealer disguised as a woman with ear-rings and well-developed breasts was nabbed yesterday near the Pettah Bodhiya by sleuths of the Colombo Narcotics Bureau. Narcotics Inspector Amarajith de Silva said the suspect had 1500 mgs of high quality brown sugar concealed in his underwear.
He said it was revealed that the suspect had been wanted by police in connection with a series of killings and robberies and was once been in the female section of the Welikada Remand Prison for allegedly stabbing a man to death at Gokarella in 1998. He was however discharged later due to lack of evidence, he said.
Inspector de Silva said the suspect identified as Nimal from Kahangama in Ratnapura dressed in a blouse and jeans was also wearing a pair of earrings. 'We first thought that the suspect was a sex worker loitering about to draw the attention of prospective customers. Later we suspected that 'she' might be a drug dealer. Known to her associates in Pettah as Rohini, the suspect was said to be also operating in Gokarella, Kurunegala and Nikaweratiya areas", he said.
The suspect who is also believed to be a drug addict was to be produced before the Colombo JMO to determine her sex as police claim the suspect had well developed breasts.
Robbing Hood
Rich beggar waylaid and robbed
By Senaka De Silva (Daily Mirror 19-6-2003)
A rich beggar has been waylaid and robbed of Rs 263,000 at Welipenne on Tuesday, Police said. The beggar had collected the money to purchase a block of land to construct a house. On the day of the incident he had even collected his dole of Rs. 30 from the village temple. When he went to purchase the land the owner had presented him a five perch block in exchange for being the watcher for the rest of the land. While he was returning after the transaction he was waylaid at a lonely spot by two thugs and robbed of his money. Welipenne police Inspector W.M. Pathmalal said the robbers had escaped on a motorcycle.
Prison food improves!
Prisoner falls into pot (Daily Mirror 11-06-2003)
A prisoner of Welikada prison serving a prison sentence for possession of heroin received serious burn injuries when he fell into a boiling cauldron of gravy and was admitted to Colombo National hospital. The victim, assigned to the prison kitchen was stirring a cauldron from a height when he fell into it.
Don't Gamble With Death!
Police arrest gamblers in funeral house (Daily Mirror 16-05-2003)
A suspect who was taken into custody along with 15 others after a raid on a gambling session at a funeral house died on the way, Weliweriya police said.

On a tip-off a team of police officers raided a funeral house at Weliweriya. OIC Weliweriya police said as one suspect was sick he was sent to the Gampaha hospital. The wife of the deceased giving a statement to the police said her husband was sick due to heavy drinking.
Vestal Virgins Required! Apply with medical certificate.....
Odd Spot: Advisor/astrologer takes politicians for a ride [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] 13.5.03 May 12, Colombo: An advisor in a key ministry is said to be earning millions, thanks to his astrological knowledge. He is said to read the horoscopes of top politicians and prepare projects to ward off evil effects.
Getting neck deep into gingelly-filled gunny sacks for several hours while hymns are recited and resin is burnt, bathing in Hanthana, getting bathed by virgins, and a visit to a secret location in southern India are some of the rituals prescribed by the astrologer, who sometimes charges fees ranging from Rs. 25,000 to Rs. one million to give his client a clean bill of non-interference from the planets.
Recently, several politicians both in the government and in the opposition have spent massive sums to ward off evil effects. A woman leader recently went abroad on the advice of astrologers who had read her horoscope. She was asked to leave the island as staying in the country would bring her bad luck.
Man Changes Sex!....
Odd Spot: Registrar's office does the impossible [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] May 9, Colombo: A father from Girandurukotte is trying for the last eleven years to change a feminine name introduced by the hospital authorities into his daughter Somwathie's birth certificate.
The officials while registering her birth had written the father’s name too as Somawathie. Her father Podiappuhamy has written several letters and gone to several offices in the area but still his daughter's birth certificate carries his name as Somawathie. (Don't bother with paperwork! Just wear a Sari! - Ed)
Rabbits Are Birds!
Bird fanciers nabbed (Daily Mirror 08-05-2003)
Two twelve-year old boys who were arrested for stealing two pet rabbits were released on personal bail of Rs. 200,000 after being produced before acting Galle magistrate Somasiri Uduwella.
A day after the complaint was made by the owner of the rabbits, Galle police took the two boys into custody while they were allegedly making an attempt to steal pigeons from a house at Kongaha junction, Galle. On being questioned the boys had revealed they had sold the rabbits for Rs. 100 The magistrate called for a probation report on the suspected boys and ordered the rabbits be handed over to the owner. (261)
Namini's sharp tongue firmly in cheek!
Tigers work a miracle, believe it or not by Namini Wijedasa (The Island 04-05-2003)

Great Scott. It’s a MIRACLE. The LTTE have achieved the impossible: they have made our bureaucrats work.
Ever since the LTTE on April 22 suspended peace talks, our big shots have been squashing each other in a rush to address those issues which the Tigers had griped about.
There were many letters circulating (as usual) but there was also some work being done (downright unusual).
Thus, Bala wrote to Ranil, Ranil wrote to Bala, Moragoda wrote to Bala, Bala wrote to Moragoda, Thamilchelvan wrote to Austin, Bernard wrote to Thamilchelvan, Chandrika wrote to Ranil, and the Norwegians presumably wrote to the whole gang.
Police Get Stung In The Sting
Wasps attack police [ColomboPage News Desk, Sri Lanka] April 24, Colombo: A policeman was killed and at least eight people were injured when wasps attacked them at a jungle hideout during a police raid on an illicit liquor joint.
It is not known whether the moonshine manufacturer had reared the wasps to guard against police raids. Constable Sarath Bandara attached to the Gampola police died following the attack while two other policemen and six villagers were injured and rushed to hospital.
He went out with a Bang!
Incinerator breaks-down By Sajeewan Wijewardana (Daily Mirror 1-4-2003)

The crematorium incinerator at Koshinna, Peradeniya had exploded when a body was being cremated.
The family of the deceased was said to be in shock as they think it would give a bad impression to the people. Those present at the funeral had run in fear when the incinerator had blown up with a loud bang. Its door and chimney were damaged by the blast and the fate of the body is unknown.
Residents of the area reported that this was the second time such an incident had occurred and still the Udunuwara Pradeshiya Sabha had not found a permanent solution to the problem. Crematorium workers said that it was due to a gas blockage and had repaired the incinerator after the incident.

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